Let there be commerce between us: A catechesis of selling and buying.
The collected works of the Shadow Brokers, volume I.
Read by D.W. Bittner
Let there be commerce between us:
A catechesis of selling and buying.
First Canto
Question:
Why not selling on underground?
Answer:
Oh you right,
TheShadowBrokers is getting out phone book
Of reputable underground cyber arms dealers
And make text and voicemail.
You making sound so easy.
Why theShadowBrokers not thinking of this?
Second Canto
Question:
Why auctioning?
Answer:
If selling million dollar collector art,
You selling in garage sale on front lawn?
No you sell at rich eff auction house.
TheShadowBrokers is wanting sell for most money.
Is thinking auction making most money.
Is thinking adversaries and victims, o
Of Equation Group make bids.
Is thinking security companies
And wealthy elites make bids.
Is thinking peoples is having more balls,
Is taking bigger risks for to make advantage over adversaries.
Equation Group is pwning you everyday,
Because you are giant effing weenies.
Third Canto
Question:
Why public?
Answer:
Why not?
If you making auction,
More people hear equals more bidders.
Are rules for such things?
Fourth Canto
Question:
Why “no refunds”?
Answer:
Convenience.
TheShadowBrokers no wanting track and return all bids.
Is called All-Pay auction,
ou look up wikipedia.
Authenticity.
No refunds equal no bidders inflating price or not pay.
Good for serious bidders.
Bids are cumulative if use return op code.
Fifth Canto
Question:
Why no expiration?
Answer:
Holy effing kaka!
So many effing rules with you peoples.
What is being benefit time constraint?
Anticipate end when reasonable sum raised,
And bidding stops.
TheShadowBrokers will be giving fair warning of end.
TheShadowBrokers is wanting quick end too,
So be making effing bids.
Sixth Canto
Question:
Why bitcoin?
Answer:
Not first choice for privacy.
But mature and most popular.
You prefer Monero, where spend it?
Ether, effers will be rewriting code to take money.
Dash? Dorkfield pre-mined and control network.
If using correctly cash in/out is private.
Seventh Canto
Question:
How will theShadowBrokers,
Cash out large sums?
Answer:
Seriously?
Is theShadowBrokers problem.
You give large sum bitcoins,
Then theShadowBrokers is showing you.
Eighth Canto
Question:
Why saying,
“Don’t trust us?”
Answer:
TheShadowBrokers is making comment,
On trust-less exchanges.
TheShadowBrokers is thinking,
Is no thing now as trust-less.
“Don’t Trust” is not equal to “Is Scam.”
TheShadowBrokers is thinking,
No way to exchange secrets
(Auction files)
Without one party trusting other.
If seller trust buyer and buyer no pay,
Then no more secrets.
If buyer trust seller and seller no deliver,
Then no more sales.
TheShadowBrokers is having more things to sell.
Reputation is being another benefit of public auction.
Ninth Canto
Question:
Why not use escrow?
Answer:
Now you are wanting add more peoples,
But same problem.
Maybe working for traditional goods.
Not working for secrets.
If giving to escrow, now no more secret.
Auto-Escrow, still trusting what giving to Auto-Escrow.
Tenth Canto
Question:
1,000,000 BTC or $1,000,000?
Dr Evil? 5% of all bitcoin?
Are you crazy?
Answer:
Misinformation.
Maybe manipulation.
Is crazy, yes?
Suggest reread theShadowBrokers first message.
All is twisting by media,
To make re-writing for headlines business.
TheShadowBrokers never expecting 1,000,000 BTC,
This why choose ridiculous sum for consolation prize,
Third file dump.
Three separate concepts.
Three different files.
#1 equals Free File is free.
#2 equals Auction File is auction.
#3 equals Consolation Prize file is for loosing bidders...
If goal reached
(Goal not reached).
Eleventh Canto
Question:
What are you auctioning?
Answer:
You seeing “Firewalls” toolkit,
Includes remote exploits, privilege escalations,
Persistence mechanisms, RATs, LPs,
And post-exploit collection utilities.
Complete package for to run own operations.
TheShadowBrokers is having more EquationGroup tool kits
For other platforms
Windows,
Unix/Linux,
Routers,
Databases,
Mobile,
Telecom.
Newer revisions too.
The auction file is toolkit for one of other platforms.
Includes remote exploits,
Local exploits,
Privilege escalations,
Persistence mechanisms,
RATs,
LPs,
Post-exploit collection utilities.
Value estimated in millions of euros/dollars!
Twelfth Canto
Question:
Is it a lie,
scam,
or trick?
Answer:
TheShadowBrokers already be saying about trust.
Why theShadowBrokers is pissing off,
Making big enemies for scam or ripoff?
Free file is establishing authenticity.
Thirteenth Canto
Question:
Too expensive.
Why not break up,
Sell in pieces?
Answer:
Million euro/dollars is nothing
In cyber business.
Budgets is being in billion.
Breaking up is being more troubles for theShadowBrokers.
Is make as package,
Is use as package,
Is sell as package.
Fourteenth Canto
Question:
Why files is being old?
Answer:
Really?
Exploit is being like good hoochy coochy,
What difference between 20yr old and 40yr old,
If both getting job done?
When you giving away swag for free,
You giving new swag or old swag?
$12 million is being pretty good free swag!
Fifteenth Canto
Question:
Is legal?
Aren’t I buying stolen goods?
Answer:
TheShadowBrokers is not being lawyers.
Maybe yes.
Maybe no.
TheShadowBokers bets no.
How is being stolen goods,
If no one is claiming ownership?
Where is proof of ownership?
Copyright?
License?
Source code?
Classification marking?
Maybe theShadowBrokers is being original owner,
But EquationGroup story is sounding better?
Can be proving in court?
Claiming equals Liability.
Sixteenth Canto
Question:
Won’t the EquationGroup…
be coming after us?
Answer:
TheShadowBrokers is not being oracles.
Maybe yes.
Maybe no.
TheShadowBrokers bets no.
EquationGroup is not being law enforcement.
Consider EquationGroup maybe hacking law enforcement.
What is EquationGroup telling law enforcement?
TheShadowBrokers is recommending,
Best use case is being proof of concept.
Maybe using Equation Group Warez for honey-hack,
Hack and see who shows up.
Maybe using EquationGroup tools as distraction for real hack.
Maybe making like Chinese, reverse engineer,
Develop identical looking,
And calling it your own.
Coming after you?
LOL!
If you is being somebody,
Then they is already owning you.
You make bid on auction,
And be finding out how.
Seventeenth Canto
Question:
Will theShadowBrokers do interview?
Answer:
SB is interest in doing interview,
But is being risky to theShadowBrokers,
So is costing money.
